Over the course of my year in Nanjing, China, I learned about the word guanxi, which means "relationships." People seemed to think very highly of this somewhat puzzling word. The phrase, "he has good guanxi," would inevitably receive significant admiration displayed through a great deal of head nodding and grunts of approval. Despite my initial puzzlement about the meaning of the word, I would be profoundly influenced by the real culture of guanxi in China.

It happened while eating dinner with a famous business leader in Nanjing. During the course of an eight-hour twelve course meal together, and despite great communication difficulties, the two of us became friends for life. I have yet to meet an individual who was as genuinely and unconditionally interested in me, my country, my thoughts, my family, my business, and my beliefs.

This experience taught me a great deal about guanxi and the Ancient Chinese Art of Relationships. By the end of my trip, I realized that my accomplishments in China would not have been achieved without the wonderful relationships that I had developed. Here’s what I learnt through guanxi:

1. Slow down. Be patient. Great relationships take time.
2. Be polite. Say thank you. Show respect. Tell people how much you appreciate their investment in you. Write hand written notes. Learn how to do a proper handshake.
3. Listen. Look people in the eyes. Show genuine interest. Ask tons of questions. Repeat their answers. Limit how much you talk.
4. Don’t judge. Give people a chance. The people you meet will teach you, inspire you and make you grow. Develop relationships with people from all walks of life.
5. Forgive. If people have upset you, deal with the issue for the sake of the relationship. Holding a grudge gets you nowhere.
6. Apologize. If mistakes have been made, don’t be afraid to offer a sincere apology. Admitting mistakes is a sign of strength, not weakness.
7. Stay in touch. Follow up with the relationships you have made. Keep a database of your contacts with a calendar of activities to maintain contact with them.
8. Ask for help. People love to help – show some vulnerability and let people in.
9. Lose your ego. People don’t want to be around people who make them feel small. Learn to talk the same language and use the same expressions as the people you meet with.
10. Have fun. Everyone likes to laugh. Humour is perhaps the most underrated networking technique.

Follow these basic principles and incorporate them into your daily behaviours. As your network of solid relationships expands, so too will your success in business and in life.